The Ignorance of Privilege

I wrote a response to a video a while ago that I'd like to share here. It was a response to this episode of SF Debris science fiction reviews. This video presented Real Life, an episode of Star Trek Voyager in which the Emergency Medical Hologram bonds with a holographic family in order to better understand human relationships, but then eventually has to face tragedy as his holographic daughter dies. Chuck is very passionate in his objection to some of the messages in the episode, and the way that this tragedy was ultimately handled. Go watch it if you want more context, but in essence he stated quite clearly his own answer to the question of whether something like this is traumatic enough that anyone capable of simply avoiding the situation to begin with and never facing it is truly fortunate to have that option, or whether the personal growth and maturing that comes with having to live through and deal with tragedy is worth facing it. His stance? Some things are bad enough that there should be no shame in avoiding them if you can, and losing a child is definitely one of them.

Here are my original thoughts on the subject, edited slightly for better clarity and to correct a typo or two:

I remember your turn-around of the old saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", refuting it as inaccurate. "I make me stronger when I refuse to let it kill me." However, this saying, in either form, only deals with the two extremes of the spectrum of possibilities. In the aftermath of a tragic event, you can fail to come out of it at all, or you can get through it... And it isn't always true that you will necessarily come out of it stronger if you survive. Some events cause forever crippling, or at least scarring, injuries. Sometimes the price you had to pay to get through it set you back years of development in some form or another. This can be physical, like a fractured bone that never completely heals, or an accident leaving one bedridden for so long that the patient has to learn to walk all over again afterwards. It can also be emotional.

The most unfortunate thing is that I haven't seen many examples of people who were able to understand that some struggles just aren't worth it even if you survive them... that the scars and damages are, and remain, greater than the strength gained in facing them, that they have never been truly overcome, and possibly never will be... without having been through such a situation in some form or another themselves. I remember hearing someone refer to it as something like the "ignorance of privilege". It's not a clear fault of the ignorant that they are ignorant, either. It is genuinely hard to imagine a situation in which there is no possible way to come out ahead... and for most people, it seems to be impossible, up until the first time they realize... this... whatever "this" is... is one.

Perhaps the only way to change this is to refute and avoid reaffirming the lie that if you got through it, it was good for you. Unfortunately, it IS true that having gotten through it required growth that would otherwise not have come about in the same way... People who have dealt with tragedy are almost always better prepared and better able to deal with it again - not that it isn't still a terrible experience, just that, like any pain that hurts badly enough, long enough, there is a numbing effect that diminishes its effects on you. The lie is in the assumption that this hardening is "worth" the pain, which is a value judgement, and thus inherently an opinion. People may disagree. The problem is when people who are not in a position to understand the severity of the situation... which really, includes anyone without the full context of emotional weight and other issues involved, and thus anyone at all besides the person experiencing this trauma... try to make that judgement themselves and enforce it on the person suffering it.