I went out grocery shopping today. I brought my Damon with me, and we picked up a bunch of nice things, more than just my standard fare. I got myself ice cream and treats, and got Damon some doughnut sticks, in celebration of my having a new job. I spent most of the rest of my money for this month... It is December, and I will admit, I had been splurging a bit on presents and shipping sending things to people I love, as well as getting things for myself, like a new pair of ear buds since my old ones died. I haven't paid my bills for the month yet, but it's a phenomenally liberating feeling having a pay cheque on the way.
And then, waiting at the bus stop, loaded down with soda, chips and delicious holiday eggnog... I noticed I had another voice mail from work. I gave my supervisor, the friendly and bubbly one, a call. She had left me a message last night, too, asking me to come in for a second training shift on Friday. I had tried to call back, but it didn't seem to be working. It worked this time, and I told her I had gotten her message, sorry for not getting back earlier, told her the reason, and yes of course I can come in on Friday.
She told me she'd spoken with the boss and they had decided they were going to stick with their current team for the time being. I was invited to come in to collect my pay for the two hour orientation I went to. I hurried to politely thank her for telling me, and fumble for my bus pass, as our bus rolled up to the stop.
As you might imagine, I was shocked, stunned, hurt... and maybe even a little panicky, especially since I had slipped my bus pass in a different pocket from the one I usually put it in, and took a minute to find it.
My first thoughts, once I started having thoughts beyond panic and where I had put my bus pass, was that my supervisor or my boss found it unprofessional that I hadn't gotten back after their message early enough, or that they were expecting me to come in today for second training after all (it had been suggested that I would be asked to do so earlier) despite the message asking me to do it on Friday.
My second thoughts were that this was probably because I had mentioned that I haven't worked for a while and would have to adapt my sleep schedule to working again, or that I'd just been too casual and personal in my jokes with my supervisor, talking about memories of listening to cassette tapes as a child, which one of their case models reminded me of (they have one shaped like an old-fashioned audio casette), and such things. Maybe I had somehow offended her or raised a red flag, and she was just too good at masking that kind of thing for me to notice any change in her smile or her laugh. Maybe she had taken my questions and comments during training about harder cases being more likely to crack as antagonism towards the products, or a sign of likely inability to sell them. Maybe I would never be able to get work as long as I naturally fell into patterns of being casual and friendly with anyone I grew to trust at all...
And then, after a while, it finally hit me. I remember at some point while dealing with this blog, finding something about backlinks. Since I am the author of this blog, Blogger will tell me if there is another website somewhere on the internet that links to this one, and will link me to it so I can go and check out who is giving me publicity. You remember that link on my last post, to the Speaking Phones gallery website? If the owner of that website has access to backlinks too... and I strongly suspect this is a thing that is not limited to blogs... then he just got access to that blog post, everything I said about my uncertainty about selling rhinestone covered bling, and the implication that I had not meant to keep the job long (but was now considering doing so, given how the place exceeded all my expectations). In fact, he got access to all my blog posts, and my Fetlife account, and anything else linked to my online persona and the name SerpentStare.
And it turns out I hadn't gotten the job yet. I might as well have stood up on my chair at an interview and shouted, "I'm gay and furry and kinky and proud of it!". Now that... that would explain this, much better than having said something too casual or failed to answer a non-urgent message with urgent timing.
I guess I can't blame them, especially given how harsh I've been in my socialist and anti-capitalist and anti-work epithets on the site here... I remember hearing somewhere that there's no such thing as bad publicity, and I had hoped that my employers would feel that way... Maybe they feel that if I'm willing to use my personal life to plug and promote my work life, I might use my work life to spread pro-fetish ideology, or something? No, I know better than that. I guess for whatever reason, they didn't want their website even remotely associated with me. I will try to remember not to link to any other employers I end up being considered by, lest they find out I am a deviant of great calibre and pride. You might notice, I have gone back to the two previous posts on this blog that featured my real name and removed it, so that it does not come up on a Google search. However, since I seem to have already lost this one, I will leave the existing links up. Speaking Phones was, after all, the reason I labelled that last one "Cool Stuff on the Internet". The website seems a bit broken, and doesn't show all of their stock... at least not on Chrome... but I really was looking forward to working there. There was a lot of cool gear, and I encourage any readers who are looking for cellphone accessories in the London area or near a different one of their branches to check them out.
For now... If I get an email or phone call from someone at Speaking Phones asking me to remove all direct references and/or links to their website, I will do so. I don't really expect them to do that, though, since it would kind of suggest I'd been discriminated against if it turned out the identifying information on my blog was what kept them from hiring me, and it would suggest that they had, in fact, read my blog, if they asked me to remove content from it. Ah, discrimination. Everyone does it, but no-one can admit it, because then there might be legal problems. I haven't had to deal with it a whole lot - at least, not comparatively speaking... and, well, I guess I kind of forgot it existed and I should stay guarded against it, there, for a moment.
And now I'm broke. I assumed I had a job, I celebrated, I stopped to tell you all (and Ontario Works for that matter) about it... and now... I don't. I will need some help to get through this month, I think... though having had a moment to think about it, I'm pretty sure I've got all the help I need. There are people I can ask for assistance in moments like this, thankfully. Damon among them, though he can't help me with money, only moral support.
I'll make it through this. It's a staggering and disappointing blow, but I'll make it. I'm really glad Damon was there with me when I got that memo, he was a huge help. And to Speaking Phones... like it or not, you have my approval, in pretty much everything except, naturally, the decision not to hire me. Maybe you'll change your mind. Maybe you won't. Anyway, best of luck.
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