Thursday, March 8, 2018

Dear Memory: The Man in my Dream

Vivid dreams again last night. They seemed to follow on from the dreams of kissing people a couple of weeks ago. Only, this time... I was thoroughly in a happy courtship with a tall young man with black hair, cuddling close and sharing things I found awesome. He wasn't explicitly attached to your identity in my dream. He wasn't explicitly attached to any cached identity. It was the kind of dream I might have had as a pre-teen and grieved and cursed the fact that I must have woken up from it... Except perhaps that those dreams also usually seemed to involve climbing a tower, and I don't remember any such element to this one.

I reflect on it with soft, confused consideration, and am mostly happy, I think. I got in touch with someone I'd met in Ireland the other day on Facebook after they liked one of my posts. I bound them to secrecy and told them about my plan to return, my thoughts about contacting you once it becomes time to choose between colleges, so you could have your say about whether I should be close by. I found their answer this morning after I woke from the dream. "If you're here, surely he'd wanna be with you?" Again someone on the outside responds as though this were obvious. Someone closer to your side this time. Again it is warming.

I walk about the house, thinking of music in a lively style inspired by the traditional Irish sound of jumping and leaping violin, thinking I would like to compose a song to mark my love of the music and of the place, and the strange fey madness that seems like part of the picture. I feel tired. My sleep has been less than eight hours again, though I woke up naturally. My sleep has also been full of vivid dreams. Perhaps that demands more energy of me. If not to dream, then to process having dreamed.

I had my Finance midterm yesterday. I have my Tax midterm today. I am not particularly worried, although I don't think I'm all that well prepared either. Not being worried may be partly down to the fatigue.

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