Thank You, Ani

I've not been living, this past week, I've been waiting, that's all. Waiting to be somewhere else, with so much ferocity I don't think we're getting the paperwork to move there in on time. Isn't amazing how that will happen? The system just kind of... stops... And refuses to do anything, with too little hope, too little connection to anything outside the grubby walls of a messy bedroom that never changes...

I've been playing casual games on OMGPOP recently, mostly Draw My Thing, which is fun and social, especially to play with friends who appreciate your joke answers. I know this shiny, glossy, colourful world of little jewelry tokens and rewards for momentary cleverness or quick reflexes... It's fake and shallow and silly, and it makes very little but an effective distraction. I feel a little bored just testing my reflexes, and so I open my music library. Huh, Ani Difranco. Hello. It's been a while. Why not?

Why not? I don't think anyone else could have pulled me so completely out of that cute little illusion. How can you listen to Ani DiFranco and not give your full attention to the real world around you? Suddenly, I wasn't a chimp responding to colours anymore, I transformed again into a restless but emboldened young person trapped in a small bedroom, avoiding responsibility and interactivity with the outside at the same time as I crave it, and am wasting away without it. I really need to put this music on my MP3 player. It would make good music for walking through that real world, to stay grounded in it... but in an empowering way...

Thank you, Ani. I was forgetting, again.

This isn't the only deep thing I encountered today. My friend insisted on showing me the video demonstration of current graphic technology, Quantic Dreams' Kara. Watch it. It's touching and valid and topical. It made me cry with loneliness and I am not even remotely ashamed to admit it, although I am slightly to admit that I am a bit jealous of my partner and my friend, who apparently had both thought up an idea about what might be going on that I did not. Ah, well. I should not take it to mean that I am dense or stupid for not thinking the same thing.

And then a Michael Moore documentary. I hear that a lot of people say his arguments are invalid, that they only display one side of any issue, and present it in a hugely skewed way. I wonder how many of the people who say this are not trying to discredit him for their own financial interests. My partner wanted me to see Sicko. It wasn't bad. I paused it a lot to have political discussions with him at various points when I had something to say that seemed important to me.

And yet, I don't think anything wakes me up like Ani DiFranco, who talks about fantasies to make them real fantasies, rather than false realities.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

To anyone who's been reading with interest, thank you, too. You can expect my posting to be erratic and strange, to be scattered and weird, and rarely hold the same topics for long. I hope you find some good stuff here in my ravings. Love and peace and inspiration to all of you.