Nevermore

Should I be happy?
What I am is uncertain-
I'm restless; Do I fake it? Do I try? It's not working-
I'm sinking. I'm reeling.
I have a funny feeling
that I'm headed somewhere I've been to before
Somewhere I swore, Nevermore...

Should I be braver?
Should I try to be fearless?
I hold, I hide, behind my pride, an arrogance peerless-
I'm crashing. I'm losing-
There's something I was choosing
that was chosen before
Somewhere I swore, Nevermore...

Looking for confidence
amidst apathy and emptiness-
Something was shining in me
not an hour ago. Tell me
Where did it go-
How can I get it back
from the grey and the black
Lost my way; Found a track
Something from a long lost memory-
What did I do, before,
when my terrors were killing me
wounded and sore
was there a secret door?

Nevermore. No return.
You must live. You must learn.
Without me.
Forsaken you, child? No, I've only set you free.
You know all I ever taught you, still.
You can remember, if this is your Will.

How? I'm not sure even as I grieved
that I ever more than half believed in you, strange wonder,
And your secret's only known to the deepest soul-

You can see
as deep inside of me
as any master, open your eyes!

But we all disguise the truth with our lies
I might as well catch nonsense as the master's prize!

You know the way,
the master will say.
Just cast your fears, your doubts aside,

and doubt me Nevermore...