Backslider!

I have not been getting much done. I'm surviving, mind, and surviving is good, but things are tight after the mild extravagance of last month and the false hope of that job interview and training day.

The laptop I was using at home, of Steven's, is horribly broken. The screen part snapped off, but I connected it to a CRTC monitor that was around the house (don't ask me why, I have no idea), and it turned out it still works. Now... something else has gone wrong. It's stuck in a boot cycle, but my friends think I should be able to save it again.

For the time, though... I am angry at myself because I think I should be prioritizing job search over spending time with the Pup, and I'm not - I find it hard to face the stab of guilt I feel every time I excuse myself from a chat with him to go address the real world in some way. It really keeps me back, and I grow to resent him over it a little bit for his sweet but wrenching expressions of disappointment every time I turn my back. Even though... I need to, if I am ever to be able to support him. It feels like I'm stabbing myself in the foot in order to keep walking. I suppose I could take the excuse that I'm staying around to give him company while his own computer's down, and I'll prioritize job search after it's fixed... I could do that. It... I'd be worried about OW nagging me, and I should still make some time to job search, though.

I feel accusatory at me. "Backslider! You took your access for granted. It is a power and a privilege - use it, don't hide in it and get nothing done. Serves you right losing your shield. Get to work now. Maybe silence will spur you to try - in which case, this should have happened long ago. Earn your rest. Get going, now! NOW!"

I do also feel kind of lean and hungry. Maybe because I am hungry. I'm getting tired of the poverty food that I have around to make myself. I've been subsisting largely on chicken soup with vegetables, which is no doubt healthy and honestly can be delicious, but I'd like some variety. That would be nice.

At the very least, it's spurred me to come back and blog to you from the library. Like old times at the shelter, right? Ha. Well. We'll see how things go. I'm developing a points system to gamify my job search. Get 10 points for responding to an online job ad... 100 for applying to an open position in person. Properly, introduce myself to the manager style. Because that is harder and more effective. Getting an interview will probably be worth 500. Check out the link by the way. Extra Credits is awesome.