Happiness

You know...

Over the last month or more... I've been... noticing how happy I am. I've been appreciating the love and support of my friends. I've been trusting that things will turn out okay and I'll get where I need to be eventually without rushing. I've been enjoying my humble home with my freecycled furniture.

I finally have a computer now that functions well enough to be well worth having. No substantial lag unless it's actually trying to do something difficult like stream. It cost me $20 from a fellow at an organization apparently called VPCC. I haven't been to that link, as I'm not on Facebook, but the man who sold me the computer linked me there. This computer was an upgrade after he gave me an older one for free, but it was so laggy that I could feel my blood pressure rising every time it took more than a second to register I'd moused over or clicked something or tried to open a window.

This one works smoothly and is well worth the $20 I paid for it. After so long using the hacked-up laptop and two days with the archaic tower, it feels so liberating and gleeful just using my scroll wheel to go down webpages and having it respond in realtime. I giggled to myself like a maniac to Pup about how I could scroll now, and felt slightly unhinged, while I was running D&D on Maptools for him, using a random map from Myth-Weavers, and needed to find the relevant part of the map key for a new room.

Speaking of Pup... It's been half a year now.
It... seems like so long, and yet so short.
Lots of progress has been made, and we are being better at interacting in ways that are healthy and happy for both of us. He still occasionally falls into fits I find utterly unbearable and I still sometimes take his weird and unreliable tone as a signifier of emotion and end up offended and upset about something he didn't mean and argues I know better than to take to heart. But... it's less frequent and less serious, less shattering. We're both getting better at being easy on each other.

My birthday yielded happy support from my patron, who gave me a gift card for Shopper's Drugmart and a warm brown vest. My mother also sent me a scratchy archaic tunic and a pair of wrap-around pants. I've never worn wrap-around pants before, and the design seems rather bizarre to me... but clever and playful.

I was able to enthuse happily to my counsellor the last time we spoke, and had many good things to say. That I've been talking to my mother again, that I find moments where I'm ruminating or running away and I stop... That the Pup I nearly broke up with two months ago is with me still and while it's far from perfect, there is love and happiness and sweetness there.

My request for funding for steel-toed work boots and a hard hat went through and was fulfilled in full, but I haven't actually gone out to get them yet. For the moment, I'm being lazy. But I will get around to it in time.

Taking advantage of a sale at Shoppers, and the gift card I was given, I now have a small supply of chocolate ice cream, and it's a real treat to have available from time to time.

I've been asked to dinner on Friday and have a date in about an hour... When did I become so popular, I wonder? Heheh... Strange and wonderful things.

I got a phone call from my dad today. He had a habit of cutting me off while I was talking, but nevertheless, we had a good and amiable chat. It's nice to hear from him again. The Daddy Dude seems to be doing well. Hippy dippy philosopher of sorts, as always. "May your path always shine." You too, dad. You too.
So much love. So much happiness. Has the elusive dream been reached?

Find out on the next exciting episode...